Prior to mediation, please think about what
issues you might be willing to come to compromise on with the other party. You should consider legal and residential
custody and visitation schedule. Consider what type of legal and residential custody situation you are in currently. If you currently have sole custody, you will want to think about whether or not you are willing to give up sole custody. Sole custody means that parent makes all of the decisions and does not need permission or agreement from the other parent. The parents are encouraged to discuss matters with each other, but agreement regarding the major decisions is not required.
Joint legal custody to both parents with
residential custody to one parent essentially means that the two of you must be
able to communicate and cooperate while raising the child. You both have the ability and the right to
make decisions for the child. Major decisions
regarding healthcare, school, and religion must be agreed upon by both of you
or you could end up back in court. Each
parent makes the day to day decisions on his/her own when the child is in that
parent’s custody.
Consider both of these types of custody
carefully before you make any agreements at mediation. It is important that you not take this
lightly because custody decisions are final for at least two years. After that time period, a parent is able to
bring a petition to modify. However, within
that two year time frame, a parent is only able to ask for a modification if
the child is seriously endangered or there is a substantial change in circumstances. This
is a very high standard and it is a difficult position to win.
It is important to understand the mediation process so it can be used successfully.
Listed below are some warnings, suggestions, and information:
- If you have been the
victim of physical abuse, you may not be a good candidate for mediation. If this is the case, be sure to share this information with your lawyer or, if pro se, the Judge.
- Mediation can be difficult.
Prepare yourself for potentially two hours of discussion. The court requires at least four hours
of mediation, but mediators typically meet for no more than two hours at a
time.
- Be prepared to become
angry. It will happen. The key is to keep it under control and refuse to
become victimized by it. Try to remain calm and continually think about
what is in the best interest of your child.
- Remain patient. Threats
to leave the mediation are counterproductive.
- Refrain from attacking
the mediator or the other party during the mediation.
- Be creative. Be willing
to look at ways to satisfy the other party’s needs. At this point, the
case is totally within your control.
The two of you have plenty of leeway to make your own
agreement. There is no real
standard that you need to adopt as your own.
- Be attentive.
Negotiation can be extremely difficult to track. You must be very
attentive to the proceedings.
- Be thorough. Read the
final agreement carefully. You may sign the draft agreement, but nothing
becomes a final order until it is entered by the court. If there is something that was not
covered to your satisfaction, make sure the mediator knows and makes note
of that on your draft agreement.
The mediation process creates pressure and fatigue. In one sense, this is
good because it simulates the pressure and fatigue that arise at trial, so it
facilitates settlement. On the other hand, your agreement must be knowingly and
intelligently done, and of your own free will. So, if you find yourself getting
to the point of feeling unwanted pressure or fatigue, let the mediator know. She
will arrange for a break, something to eat or drink, or an end to the session.
Above all else, remain open minded prior to and during the
mediation. Be creative regarding
solutions to the problems. Feel free to
call your lawyer prior to (or even during) the mediation if you would like to discuss
further any ideas, questions, or thoughts you may have regarding the mediation.
Best of luck during your mediation and, remember, this is your chance to settle matters to your satisfaction--without the Judge and lawyers--just you and the other parent. It's in you and your child's best interest to make the most of this chance.
Well said!
ReplyDeleteWhat if one party pays for this.. and other does nothing to in the mediation.
ReplyDelete